Sgt John
Sith Lord of T&A
Sorry for the delay people. Little Sarge ended up at the hospital/doctor with injured ribs Tuesday Night/Wednesday Morning. Nothing broken, just out for a week..... On to the show.
The AFC East -
Miami - The Ninkovich interceptions reminded me of the Billy Ritter homerun from Major League 2. There had to be a fall guy for special teams this bad. Been a long time since I saw a collapse of epic proportions such as these. Those of you crooning for Tyler Thigpen sit the hell down. Chad Henne didnt blow the game open with special teams blunders. Better days ahead.
Buffalo - Tomlinson broke it off in Fluffalo's backside. Someone needs to tell Donte Whitner all the crying in the world isnt going to improve the team around him. Sit out like everyone else. Stat of the Day: the Jets had more yards rushing than the Bills had in total offense.
NY Jets - Crushing defeat of the Bills. They went out and dropped the hammer just like a Super Bowl contender should on a cupcake. If the offense wasnt frightening enough, they now get Santonio Holmes back off suspension. Will the drinks be on him or Braylon?
New England - I agree with the trade of Randy Moss. Get something for him while you can. Will this help the Pats in the short term? No, not unless they trade for VJax, as I suspect. Not much else to say about the demolition of Miami.
AFC North -
Pittsburgh - 3-1 without Cheeseburger wasnt too bad at all. Buy low on Hines Ward if you can get a sucker, because with Roth back Ward is about to start catching balls galore. Off week this week before facing off with those fearsome Cleveland Browns.
Baltimore - Great win for the Ravens over the Steelers, but I assure you they wouldnt have beaten Big Ben. Ravens still seem to be finally rounding into form. Next up Ray Lewis gets to meet Kyle Orton, and all the parts of him he can splatter on the field.
Cincinnati - "I think this T-Ocho thing will continue to work out great." Well, its working out for TO, who caught the career total of Dwayne Jarrett in the Bengals loss to the Browns on Sunday. No reason to panic at 2-2 Cincy fans, just dont let a bad loss like this happen again.
Cleveland - The only reason Mangina still has a job is Peyton Hillis. That guy has the biggest arms Ive ever seen on a white boy, and he bludgeoned the Bengals defense for Clevelands first win of the year. Feel good this week Cleveland fans, because you may not see another win for a good long while.
AFC South -
Houston - I credit Kubiak for holding out Foster for screwing up. I also credit Foster for blowing the game open for the Texans without Andre Johnson. The Texans would have to be my dark horse Super Bowl team right now, because they just seem to continue to find different ways to win (except when Dallas is in town).
Titans - Dirty Trash.
Jacksonville - How this cluster f8ck of a team managed to beat the Colts Ill never know. Nice to see MJD finally show up for the people who drafted him so high. I still dont think Gerrard makes it through the season at QB for the Jags.
AFC West
Kansas City - Its been a great start for KC, going into the early bye at 3-0 with wins over teams with a combined record of 3-9. This week Cinderella meets an angry Colts team in Indianapolis. Expect Indy to humiliate the Chiefs. Id say this ends around 41-17.
San Diego - San Diego hammered hapless Arizona last week. Nothing better to get your offense back in motion than a date with Zona. Good to see Ryan Matthews get a TD, but this pesky Tolbert guy is fantasy trouble.
Denver - Kyle Orton continues to impress me with his leadership abilities. I think if Dumervil and a workable RB were in play Denver might be undefeated. Orton next faces his biggest test of the season this Sunday, a 1pm date in Baltimore with the Ravens. This may be the first game in NFL history where a team kicks off with -20 yards rushing.
Oakland - The Raiders have gone from a team that couldnt win, to a team that finds ways to lose. Gradkowski is a decent QB, but you cant get locked up in shootouts every week and hope to win. The defense needs to tighten up for sure. Next up, a date with San Diego, who like the Raiders are experts at finding ways to lose.
NFC East
Dallas - The trainwreck comes off its bye at 1-2, welcoming Trashasee to Texas. Romo doesnt like to get hit, so if the Titans get a few late shots on him they might rattle him into having a chance. I also forsee a Dallas punt return for a TD. Dont know why.
Washington - They torpedoed the Eagles season, at least for the short term, by taking out Mike Vick and McCoy. With Clinton Portis out 4-6 weeks, the Rat turns to Ryan Torain, who should pick up 80 yards and a score vs Green Bay before being cut at halftime. Still would like to see a legit #2 WR to take the pressure off Moss, but overall its working for the Skins so far.
Philadelphia - All I can say is sorry Philly fans. Kolb vs San Francisco. Being its SF, you might have a chance, but you better pray HGH fixes Vicks ribs quick. You wont slide Kolb past Atlanta's defense in two weeks.
New York Giants - At least for a week the Giants turned off the heat on Coughlin, getting 1.3 billion sacks against the Bears in a 17-3 win, and nearly knocking every swinging QB the Bears had out of the game. Wow.
Now, lets see you do it against the Texans.
NFC North
Chicago - Horrific performance against a team the Bears should have beaten by a couple TDs. Worse yet, Jay Cutler is still trying to answer the ringing in his ears, leaving AARP member Todd Collins to face the Carolina Panthers this week. If you are looking to watch an ugly 6-3 ballgame, this one is for you.
Green Bay - Needs to trade for DWill. Now. Immediately. Should have been a Packer last week. Would make us all forget you nearly got beat by the Lions. Keep your QB away from the Skins D this week. And will someone tell Greg Jennings to catch some damn passes already!
Minnesota - Randy Moss and Brett Favre! This is either going to be the electric combo Minnesota needed, or they are going to be too busy chuggin Ensure on the sidelines to care. I think Moss is going to have a major impact on the offense, but you wont notice this week as the Vikings lock horns with the New York Jets.
Detroit - Games like they had against Green Bay remind me this team is just a season away from turning the corner off Loserville Lane onto Respectability Street. If they put a line in front of Jahvid Best he might total up 2000 yards next football season. Keep the faith Lions fans, you are finally getting there.
NFC South
Tampa Bay - One Punch seems to be trying to take over Caddy's backfield. Im not sure how any of this is going to play out for the Bucs, but as long as Kareem Huggins gets some touches Rachelle will be happy, and in the end Im sure thats all the Glazer family really wants.
New Orleans - Garrett Hartley sucks. Read it, remember it, take it to heart, and never let him kick a field goal for the Saints again. Amen.
Atlanta - Finding yet another way to win. Atlanta is going to end up with 11 wins this year, and every one of them will come in a different way. Sometimes its better to be blue collar than flashy I suppose.
Carolina - Dwayne Jarrett finally drank himself out of the NFL, which could explain why he couldnt catch a cold his entire career. I think we wont hear of him again till we see an obscure WR get UFL player of the week. Jimmy Clausen sucks. Steve Smith is hurt again. The offense should score about 3 points this week. Whoopie.
NFC West
San Francisco - Im not sure what to think of the 49ers anymore. Wait, yeah I do. These guys flat out suck. Suck. Suck. Suck. Thank God Frank Gore catches passes or fantasy owners the world over would be in real trouble. If there was ever a game the 49 needed to win, its this week vs Philly, for pride more than anything else......and with Kolb at the helm of the Eagles, the 9ers have a good chance to get it.
Seattle - I am very angry with Seattle for being slapped around like red headed step children by the Rams of all people. I wont talk about them again till next week.
Arizona - Welcome to the NFL Max Hall. Hello 10 losses! Goodbye Division Championship! Welcome back to mediocre Cardinals football as we knew it, pre Warner. Hall's first opponent? The defending World Champion New Orleans Saints. Make sure to bring your clipboard Max, and watch that guy running the other team. He aint bad.....
St Louis - I cant believe this team is 2-2! Bradford so far looks like the real deal, but they are actually playing solid defense in Ramland. I think this weeks game against the Lions has 48-45 shoot out potential. If you own one of these teams skill players, this is the week to start them.
Those are my random thoughts for now. Feel free to throw in yours
Oh..and Smush Room. That is all.
The AFC East -
Miami - The Ninkovich interceptions reminded me of the Billy Ritter homerun from Major League 2. There had to be a fall guy for special teams this bad. Been a long time since I saw a collapse of epic proportions such as these. Those of you crooning for Tyler Thigpen sit the hell down. Chad Henne didnt blow the game open with special teams blunders. Better days ahead.
Buffalo - Tomlinson broke it off in Fluffalo's backside. Someone needs to tell Donte Whitner all the crying in the world isnt going to improve the team around him. Sit out like everyone else. Stat of the Day: the Jets had more yards rushing than the Bills had in total offense.
NY Jets - Crushing defeat of the Bills. They went out and dropped the hammer just like a Super Bowl contender should on a cupcake. If the offense wasnt frightening enough, they now get Santonio Holmes back off suspension. Will the drinks be on him or Braylon?
New England - I agree with the trade of Randy Moss. Get something for him while you can. Will this help the Pats in the short term? No, not unless they trade for VJax, as I suspect. Not much else to say about the demolition of Miami.
AFC North -
Pittsburgh - 3-1 without Cheeseburger wasnt too bad at all. Buy low on Hines Ward if you can get a sucker, because with Roth back Ward is about to start catching balls galore. Off week this week before facing off with those fearsome Cleveland Browns.
Baltimore - Great win for the Ravens over the Steelers, but I assure you they wouldnt have beaten Big Ben. Ravens still seem to be finally rounding into form. Next up Ray Lewis gets to meet Kyle Orton, and all the parts of him he can splatter on the field.
Cincinnati - "I think this T-Ocho thing will continue to work out great." Well, its working out for TO, who caught the career total of Dwayne Jarrett in the Bengals loss to the Browns on Sunday. No reason to panic at 2-2 Cincy fans, just dont let a bad loss like this happen again.
Cleveland - The only reason Mangina still has a job is Peyton Hillis. That guy has the biggest arms Ive ever seen on a white boy, and he bludgeoned the Bengals defense for Clevelands first win of the year. Feel good this week Cleveland fans, because you may not see another win for a good long while.
AFC South -
Houston - I credit Kubiak for holding out Foster for screwing up. I also credit Foster for blowing the game open for the Texans without Andre Johnson. The Texans would have to be my dark horse Super Bowl team right now, because they just seem to continue to find different ways to win (except when Dallas is in town).
Titans - Dirty Trash.
Jacksonville - How this cluster f8ck of a team managed to beat the Colts Ill never know. Nice to see MJD finally show up for the people who drafted him so high. I still dont think Gerrard makes it through the season at QB for the Jags.
AFC West
Kansas City - Its been a great start for KC, going into the early bye at 3-0 with wins over teams with a combined record of 3-9. This week Cinderella meets an angry Colts team in Indianapolis. Expect Indy to humiliate the Chiefs. Id say this ends around 41-17.
San Diego - San Diego hammered hapless Arizona last week. Nothing better to get your offense back in motion than a date with Zona. Good to see Ryan Matthews get a TD, but this pesky Tolbert guy is fantasy trouble.
Denver - Kyle Orton continues to impress me with his leadership abilities. I think if Dumervil and a workable RB were in play Denver might be undefeated. Orton next faces his biggest test of the season this Sunday, a 1pm date in Baltimore with the Ravens. This may be the first game in NFL history where a team kicks off with -20 yards rushing.
Oakland - The Raiders have gone from a team that couldnt win, to a team that finds ways to lose. Gradkowski is a decent QB, but you cant get locked up in shootouts every week and hope to win. The defense needs to tighten up for sure. Next up, a date with San Diego, who like the Raiders are experts at finding ways to lose.
NFC East
Dallas - The trainwreck comes off its bye at 1-2, welcoming Trashasee to Texas. Romo doesnt like to get hit, so if the Titans get a few late shots on him they might rattle him into having a chance. I also forsee a Dallas punt return for a TD. Dont know why.
Washington - They torpedoed the Eagles season, at least for the short term, by taking out Mike Vick and McCoy. With Clinton Portis out 4-6 weeks, the Rat turns to Ryan Torain, who should pick up 80 yards and a score vs Green Bay before being cut at halftime. Still would like to see a legit #2 WR to take the pressure off Moss, but overall its working for the Skins so far.
Philadelphia - All I can say is sorry Philly fans. Kolb vs San Francisco. Being its SF, you might have a chance, but you better pray HGH fixes Vicks ribs quick. You wont slide Kolb past Atlanta's defense in two weeks.
New York Giants - At least for a week the Giants turned off the heat on Coughlin, getting 1.3 billion sacks against the Bears in a 17-3 win, and nearly knocking every swinging QB the Bears had out of the game. Wow.
Now, lets see you do it against the Texans.
NFC North
Chicago - Horrific performance against a team the Bears should have beaten by a couple TDs. Worse yet, Jay Cutler is still trying to answer the ringing in his ears, leaving AARP member Todd Collins to face the Carolina Panthers this week. If you are looking to watch an ugly 6-3 ballgame, this one is for you.
Green Bay - Needs to trade for DWill. Now. Immediately. Should have been a Packer last week. Would make us all forget you nearly got beat by the Lions. Keep your QB away from the Skins D this week. And will someone tell Greg Jennings to catch some damn passes already!
Minnesota - Randy Moss and Brett Favre! This is either going to be the electric combo Minnesota needed, or they are going to be too busy chuggin Ensure on the sidelines to care. I think Moss is going to have a major impact on the offense, but you wont notice this week as the Vikings lock horns with the New York Jets.
Detroit - Games like they had against Green Bay remind me this team is just a season away from turning the corner off Loserville Lane onto Respectability Street. If they put a line in front of Jahvid Best he might total up 2000 yards next football season. Keep the faith Lions fans, you are finally getting there.
NFC South
Tampa Bay - One Punch seems to be trying to take over Caddy's backfield. Im not sure how any of this is going to play out for the Bucs, but as long as Kareem Huggins gets some touches Rachelle will be happy, and in the end Im sure thats all the Glazer family really wants.
New Orleans - Garrett Hartley sucks. Read it, remember it, take it to heart, and never let him kick a field goal for the Saints again. Amen.
Atlanta - Finding yet another way to win. Atlanta is going to end up with 11 wins this year, and every one of them will come in a different way. Sometimes its better to be blue collar than flashy I suppose.
Carolina - Dwayne Jarrett finally drank himself out of the NFL, which could explain why he couldnt catch a cold his entire career. I think we wont hear of him again till we see an obscure WR get UFL player of the week. Jimmy Clausen sucks. Steve Smith is hurt again. The offense should score about 3 points this week. Whoopie.
NFC West
San Francisco - Im not sure what to think of the 49ers anymore. Wait, yeah I do. These guys flat out suck. Suck. Suck. Suck. Thank God Frank Gore catches passes or fantasy owners the world over would be in real trouble. If there was ever a game the 49 needed to win, its this week vs Philly, for pride more than anything else......and with Kolb at the helm of the Eagles, the 9ers have a good chance to get it.
Seattle - I am very angry with Seattle for being slapped around like red headed step children by the Rams of all people. I wont talk about them again till next week.
Arizona - Welcome to the NFL Max Hall. Hello 10 losses! Goodbye Division Championship! Welcome back to mediocre Cardinals football as we knew it, pre Warner. Hall's first opponent? The defending World Champion New Orleans Saints. Make sure to bring your clipboard Max, and watch that guy running the other team. He aint bad.....
St Louis - I cant believe this team is 2-2! Bradford so far looks like the real deal, but they are actually playing solid defense in Ramland. I think this weeks game against the Lions has 48-45 shoot out potential. If you own one of these teams skill players, this is the week to start them.
Those are my random thoughts for now. Feel free to throw in yours
Oh..and Smush Room. That is all.
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